Let me introduce you to a novel method of parenting -‘ Horizontal Parenting ‘.
It’s an entirely unique concept where the parent manages all the chores related to child care by lying horizontal ; Yes ! You read that right , the parent lounges and still cares for the child.
The child is managed by lying straight on your back in the comfortable environs of your room in your super cushy mattress.
But wait ! Here’s the catch! This mode of parenting only works with parents with a Y chromosome. Yes, only if you possess this ever so charismatic testosterone-generating Y factor , will you be able to soothe a baby without ever getting your a** off the bed . The baby is crying – hook him over your bent knees and sway ! The baby is sleepy – put him on your hairy ‘flat’ chest and pat . The baby wants to crawl , hold him by his foot and let him crawl his ATPs out on the bed in the circumferential boundaries set by your arm’s length. The baby wants to stand , prop him to your bed’s headboard and keep lying beside him.
So why don’t these strategies work for the mommy ? Simple ! Because only the lazy fellows in the class can find the shortcut to finish the task . You being the SuperMom that you are , will never realise that these are also options, silly you ; Right ! You will babyproof , get a swing, buy some toys and still end up running around your hyperactive toddler.
Also horizontal parenting / couch based parenting cannot be done by two parents together . You have to take turns . And guess what : your turn will never come !
So just keep fretting and supervising , you perfectionist of a mommy ! Daddy has all of it sorted and you can only wish ! 😝
Here is our very own Horizontal parent ! Managing twins while lying down , you have to admit he is a genius!
Liked this article? Do share and spread the love.