I have been suffering from a viral illness and it’s after effects for the last two weeks which have definitely taken a toll on my life .
Though most of the time I spent at my mom’s place but the mom guilt never let me be in peace .
At one point of time , I had lost the strength to even stand on my two feet . Even ingesting two morsels of roti were like a mammoth task .
It was like a vicious cycle of weakness and loss of appetite , one leading to the other with no end in sight .
The loss of physical strength lead my mind into entering a void of negative thoughts . Suddenly it seemed I was incapable of raising my kids . One negative thing gave way to another . On top of it , parenting with an audience around was the most difficult . They just seem to judge you at your lowest . Not just make an opinion , they generalise your whole parenting journey on your low points . As if till now , you had always been treating your kids like that . As if your kids had managed to reach their present state of being by god’s grace and efforts of others helping you while you lazed around on the couch like you were doing now in your period of illness.
By the fourth or fifth day , my insufficiency to muster energy to actively care for my kids had given way to unending negativity in my mind regarding my failure as a parent and a train of depressive thoughts ensue about how will I manage in future with such weak personality . Mind you , this is while I suffered from a short term , recoverable illness .
Slowly my body is gaining strength and with the more number of activities I get involved in with my kids , my mental strength is improving too. As I am able to assess better with the proverbial clouds clearing my sight , I realise even if others decide to give verdicts about me based on my days of illness , I should not forget to remind myself of the relentless efforts I have been making to raise my twins for last two years .
When you seek help from others while parenting , however thankful you may be for their effort , the end result where they start to think that they have more knowledge , concern and care for your child pinches you where it hurts the most .
Seeking a village is fine , getting one is lucky but in the end no one can take the mother’s place in being responsible for the child . The innumerable efforts she makes for the mental and physical workload she has to complete is apparently invisible to most . They will see where she was given help , which she might have recruited from her own hard earned money but no one notices that she is the one taking every single decision, doing unimaginable research in raising her kids well.
Though I am very grateful to all who have ever helped me in caring for my kids even for a single minute , but please stop considering me a fool and ignorant mother just because I sought support. Help if you want to , if you can , but in no way that gives you the right to foul mouth my parenting and pass judgements , and specially not in my illness which made me seek help in the first place .
Whatever is said and done , keeping all aside , the conclusion is just one . There is no sick leave for a mother , you may have a village or not.
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